I have lost my identity after becoming a mother – a statement I found myself constantly saying which didn’t sit well with me. I let go of so many things I enjoyed doing, putting my career goals on pause. I felt like I lost my freedom and almost forgot what it’s like to even socialize.
Even when I do go out, whether it’s for leisure or work, my mind is with my kids. Are they doing okay? Did Serena eat? I wonder if Ali went to sleep. I truly cannot just focus on the task in-front of me without worrying and feeling guilty for stepping outside my role as a mother for just a bit. Let me tell you, the mom guilt is REAL. At the same time, on days where I am unable to do one thing for myself whether it’s for my career advancement, fitness goals, or just self-care, I feel incredibly overwhelmed and just yearning for a break to regain a sense of who I am other than just a mother.
If you are a new mama going through this transition, I see you and I feel you but you are not alone.
I thought I got over that phase with my daughter but then I found myself grieving again with my son. All I can and I’m able to do is devote my time to becoming a mother. Not a wife, not a daughter, not a sister, not a CEO.
To those that have so many goals and aspirations, this can hit very hard. It’s constantly grieving over who we used to be and the freedom we had mixed with a sense of guilt for feeling this way. After all, being a mother is such an incredible role.
Having two kids who light up my life and fill up my heart is the biggest blessing but these feelings and thoughts of “who am I? What happened to all the things I wanted to achieve? and Am I evergoing to find time for myself?” are also valid and it’s okay if you go through these phases yourself.
A few sentences that I like to say to myself when I get stuck in that phase: I am a woman before I became a mother. My identity is not lost, it’s just covered with diapers and onesies at the moment and slowing down and accepting that my life will never be the same is OKAY. This is my new normal and as hard as it seems, there will be a time where I will figure it all out but at this moment in my life, every other role I’ve held needs to be put in the back seat as I adjust and go full force in my new role as a mother.
Hope this helps any ambitious mama out there struggling to hold onto her pre-motherhood identity. You are still you just with an added blessing(s)
